Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Smack my lamb chop

If I wear the face of a sheep, I’m still growling inside.

Finally my satellite TV was connected last night. 300 channels! And four in English: BBC World, Euro News, Bloomsbury and CCTV9. Not much veg-ing to do there. There are three or four fashion channels and at least 50 channels advertising porn – miff, butch-looking chicks (it’s European porn) rubbing their g-stringed asses with baguettes, on loop. These are the things that are a language of their own: fashion and porn.

I will leave this insight at that, after also reiterating that I am in a Muslim country where both of these are taboo.

Sheep are also moralising animals – think Mary’s little lamb and Baa Baa Black sheep.

Today, I went to pick up my ATM card from the Bahrain Saudi Bank.

In South Africa they’re always talking about the proportional imbalance of the security industry and how it holds us hostage. I realised today that I’ve been conditioned to consider it normal, it’s not hot air.

Also recall Daniel’s golden fleece and good ol’ Lambchop.

But to continue on security, consider this: On Monday, I received my pin number in the post. Today, my ATM card was waiting for me, not in a sealed box with five locks, but in a lever arch file with a pretty (using five different coloured highlighters) hand-written label “new atm cards”. It was loose, no sealed envelope and no security guard to open it for me. In fact, the security guard who was there didn’t even have a gun. The openings in the glass between the teller are big enough to stick my head through and look at their computer screens, are strangle them, which ever I choose. But they were very congenial. Quaintly so, even. One can also jump over the top of the enquiries section, the counters are at a considerately low height and there is no glass, and run straight through to the teller side – there’s no time-delay nine-inch reinforced steel door. At this point, the security guard is ineffective as you are now behind bullet-proof glass and, besides, still has no gun. Then I deposited some money, which was cleared immediately.

Now, I ask myself, should I feel nervous?

Bleet bleet.

Hmmm. I’m being wined and dined tonight by a 5-star hotel. The editor gets much nicer freebies than the DStv leftovers the listings gimp used to get! I hope there’s mutton.

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